There's a Method to My Madness

Sometimes when you call a help desk (any one-not just the one I work at), you might not understand why they do things the way they do. I thought I would write up a little post explaining the method to our seeming madness.

1. We might not recognize your voice. So we have to ask you to identify yourself and give enough personal information to verify you are who you say you are. We're not trying to annoy you, but protect your account from being modified by someone who isn't you.
2. We use the scientific method. Always. So what may seem like a bunch of hooey to you isn't just hoops to occupy your time. We need to eliminate all possibilities to get down to the real solution to your problem.
3. We prefer to teach you how to fish rather than give you a fish. We sleep, take showers, go to visit family just like you do. So we have to teach you; it's our moral obligation to advance your skills. If we just do it for you, we are doing you a disservice (unless it's a one-time thing, then it's no big deal). 
4.  We know that we are not the moneymakers in our organization. We are a support team for the moneymakers in our company. We know that. If we say that we can't help you and refer you to another company it's because we can't change passwords on a server we  don't have access to or some other really good reason. A general practitioner always refers out to specialists and sometimes we have to refer out to a vendor of a program because they are the specialists for that program.
5. We like nice people. It's human nature to like nice people. The nicer you are, the more we want to help you! 
6. We might not have your contact number. It's always best to leave it twice speaking clearly and slowly. If your tendency is to want to buzz through your phone number, please remember that someone is writing it down. First and last name is preferred. "This is Kathy; please call me back." probably isn't going to get a phone call back.
7. We're really busy. If we offer to send you the written instructions instead of tell you over the phone how to do something, it's because we want to save time and company dollar. We have already documented the procedure thoroughly so we don't want to waste time when there are so many things that need to be done. 

Hope this helps explain why we do things the way we do.